Sunday, 7 August 2011

Nephews are the new pets....

Children - they're lovely creatures aren't they. I still don't feel that maternal urge to have one -but the idea is indeed growing on me...

'Not yet though Schammy.' A famous phrase my nephew likes to say when...1.) he doesn't want to do anything he doesn't want to do... like ... eat his food... or, 2.) His reply when his mad auntie Scham asks if she can steal a kiss from the little munchkinaroonie (again, another thing he definitely doesn't want to do.)

But he does get me thinking.... at what point did I stop hating children... I say hate in the loosest sense. I'll get into trouble with the BF if he sees me using that word again. Every time I use it along with my favourite saying 'I can't bare that.' he looks at me in disgust as if i have just called his grandma a C++ or something, yes a cow. Personally, I don't think that the H word is really that offensive?

But then I could have probably got a degree in meladramatics without even trying. According to my nicer-than-nice boyfriend he doesn't hate anything. How about if I was to wake him up when he's resting for a night flight, or, if I drove into his expensive sports car. I'm sure he'd hate me after that! He'd have to buy a sports car first, I guess!

Anyway, back to me being a former child-hater... I mean seriously, they make screeching noises in peaceful areas, they poo non-stop (stinky poos too) and they can make a room explode into bomb site in less than 20 seconds - is this justification enough? Today's answer would be N-O. It all sounds a bit selfish now that I'm the devoted aunt - selfish, moi - never?

So when my nephew decided he wanted three brown long stinky poos this weekend I actually embraced them. It sounds hideous but I was so proud of the little cherub. He was rather excited too watching the warm brown numbers curl down into the pan!

What IS amazing about children is they always AMAZE you! Whether it's the skills they learn, the habits they develop... or indeed the things they say. It only feels like yesterday that I was putting on his nappies on the wrong way round. (Silly Schammy)

The fact remains is... my gorgeous two year old nephew is now remembering to ask when he needs to go to for a number one and a number two... and what's even funnier is he's thrilled about hearing his glorious creation plop into the water. I wish I could get that excited about something so crap!

They are absolutely priceless these little creatures... who'd thought you could have so much fun with them. My other half wants to get a dog.... but cleaning up their crap from the beach isn't half as fun... you don't get any witty responses, or indeed thanks for doing so!.

Toby, however is still up for us getting a dog. When we asked him what we'd call this little dog if we got him.... he said 'cake, and laughed loudly...' he also wants 'cake the dog' to be yellow! I told him in that case - I'd have to eat him!

And this little boy doesn't forget either. When I asked him last week if I should get married... I know, it's not fair me using Toby, like the magic 8 ball - but I was hoping he would say yes.... but, no. Either John has trained him well, or he knows how to wind me up....

His response was 'No Schammy, don't get married get a dog.'

Rewind a week later, driving along in the car and he randomly comes out with 'Don't get married, Schammy, get a dog!'

So as my mad aunt ramblings come to a close I urge anyone reading this who is considering getting a dog... DON'T DO IT.

My advice is get your brothers and sisters pregnant - not in the gypo incestuous DIY way. But get them to have kids' first with their spouses. Nieces and nephews are THE new pets of the 21st century. You can teach them new tricks, have lots of fun and more importantly give them back at the end of the day!

1 comment:

  1. I whole heartedly concur! I am also a self confessed child hater, never really saw the point of them until my nephews came along. But now I love bring Auntie Kat who thoroughly spoils them rotten (& then gets to hand them back all hyped up!) Unfortunately, I still hate babies though, seriously how can you get so soppy over something that just emits fluid from every orifice a hundred times a day? Just keep them away from me until they are walking & talking & we have no problem!!